Peaceful

Kleifarvatn
Originally uploaded by jens_i_r.

I've been content to laze around all day, nothing driving me, no compulsion to accomplish something.

Strange

Casa Milá
Originally uploaded by Lou Rouge.

I'm a stranger in a dark, strange world. I can't comprehend life in this place, it's twisted, disordered. The simple seems difficult and the difficult impossible, I don't know how to try. Dreams are reality and reality a muted nightmare. Where is normal? How can it be measured?

Flower Girl

Flower Girl
Originally uploaded by vangruvie.

The Exorcism

The Exorcism
Originally uploaded by Stuck in Customs.

Why Blog?

on display
Originally uploaded by Godi.

I answered that in a previous post but I was thinking about it again yesterday then David Drake asked in comment "does one medium work better than the other for you, between keeping a written mood journal as opposed to using the blog?" I'm going to answer that here.

I can't write. When I'm manic or very depressed the white paper makes me feel like I'm staring into a void and then I feel like I'm being sucked in. My writing is barely legible and when I have crossouts, which is often, I end up doodling them into mountains until I have to follow a maze to read anything. The internet was a release for me, my first book was done entirely in html. Typing my thoughts helped slow them down enough that I could think of them more thoroughly. The addition of visuals and music made reading, which I also have a problem with, more interesting and more in keeping with my moods. Blogging is an evolutionary release, I can keep track of dates and times and it's so much easier when the computer does all the tedious stuff. In some form or another I'll keep working online because it not only suits me and is a lot easier to use but I also like the idea of having an audience. I get lazy or reluctant to write even though I should every day but the thought of keeping my audience up to date helps drive me. I'll still track my moods on OOMM but for now I'm going to try to do it by writing from my moods rather than about them.

Thanks for the question, David, it really helped me think out what was spinning through my head.

Definition

The Duomo, the Heaven Side
Originally uploaded by Stuck in Customs.

I was taught that religion is different from spirtuality, religions are systems designed by man and spirtuality is communion with creation. Though I don't walk in all the ways I was taught I have to agree with that definition, religion is about as useful and has done as much damage as politics. It seems to me that the search for higher conciousness doesn't follow rules and customs, inner revelation should be like learning to walk.

Opium Dream

The Airy Doom of the Duomo
Originally uploaded by Stuck in Customs.

Religion is the opiate of the masses

Karl Marx

Drugs

It wasn't just the highs, they weren't always pleasant, it wasn't just the esacpe because no matter where I went I was always there. I'd heard about expanded conciousness and I wanted it, I believed there was something I needed to know. I kept thinking that maybe I was doing something wrong or I needed something more powerful because there was no heightened awareness, no insight into meaning, there was just the day after.

Act Naturally

Moon Fire
Originally uploaded by Bialy-Fox.

They're gonna put me in the movies
They're gonna make a big star out of me
And all I gotta do is act naturally

Heard sung by junkies standing in the middle of a fire drying their clothes

Tree Frog Beer

Gray Tree Frog Eye
Originally uploaded by whiteoakart.

Tree Frog Beer is good for you
Tree Frog Beer is good for you
Tree Frog Beer is good for you
Makes you good lookin
Have lots of girlfriends, too

Heard sung by junkies walking in a river in the dark

Change

Misc Coins
Originally uploaded by juho-v.

When a customer is short a couple cents or has to break a dollar for it I tell them I have it covered but it pisses me off when someone counts their change, hands it to me a nickle short and walks away like somehow it's their right to short me.

Back from the shadows again

ripper gate shadows
Originally uploaded by desiretofire.

Back from the shadows again
Out where an Indian's your friend
Where the vegetables are green
And you can pee right into the stream
(and you know that's important)
Yes we're back from the shadows again.

The Firesign Theatre

Free-falling

sky
Originally uploaded by takuya miyamoto*.

I'm up in the air, I have no idea what to do with this blog. I don't want to quit, I've already done that, I'd rather find a way to talk about my life that's interesting to me. The problem is, most of my life is pretty boring.

Therapy

puzzle for masochists
Originally uploaded by stellefilanti.

Keeping a mood journal is supposed to be therapeutic but I don't see it. For a while now I've been tracking my moods on this blog but it's just become another one of those repetitious tasks. Wake up, see how I'm feeling, figure out a way of telling about it. How many times can I say I'm anxious or depressed? How many ways can it be said? I don't know where I'm going to go with this blog from here but I sure want to do something different... my moods bore me.

Normal

Dead End on Normal Avenue
Originally uploaded by lorenzodom.

What is normal? I don't know if I ever knew or if it's been so long that I've felt it that I've forgotten what it's like. Does it have a feel to it or is it the absence of feeling?

Slow day

Slow day
Originally uploaded by tsefu.

I'm always the first to be sent home early on a slow day, shows how important my job is. Works for me, the paint was dry and there was nothing else to do.

watching paint dry

watching paint dry
Originally uploaded by k.e.b.

Fast Food Sunday

Solitude

Solitude
Originally uploaded by .Vega.

I wish I had the luxury of being a hermit, to live where no one knows me and no one cares.

an emotionless emotion

an emotionless emotion
Originally uploaded by rajue.

God is love

Go, tell Jeroboam, Thus saith the LORD God of Israel, Forasmuch as I exalted thee from among the people, and made thee prince over my people Israel,And rent the kingdom away from the house of David, and gave it thee: and yet thou hast not been as my servant David, who kept my commandments, and who followed me with all his heart, to do that only which was right in mine eyes; But hast done evil above all that were before thee: for thou hast gone and made thee other gods, and molten images, to provoke me to anger, and hast cast me behind thy back: Therefore, behold, I will bring evil upon the house of Jeroboam, and will cut off from Jeroboam him that pisseth against the wall, and him that is shut up and left in Israel, and will take away the remnant of the house of Jeroboam, as a man taketh away dung, till it be all gone. Him that dieth of Jeroboam in the city shall the dogs eat; and him that dieth in the field shall the fowls of the air eat: for the LORD hath spoken it.

~~~

David said unto the LORD, I have sinned greatly in that I have done: and now, I beseech thee, O LORD, take away the iniquity of thy servant; for I have done very foolishly. For when David was up in the morning, the word of the LORD came unto the prophet Gad, David's seer, saying, Go and say unto David, Thus saith the LORD, I offer thee three things; choose thee one of them, that I may do it unto thee.

So Gad came to David, and told him, and said unto him, Shall seven years of famine come unto thee in thy land? or wilt thou flee three months before thine enemies, while they pursue thee? or that there be three days' pestilence in thy land? now advise, and see what answer I shall return to him that sent me. And David said unto Gad, I am in a great strait: let us fall now into the hand of the LORD; for his mercies are great: and let me not fall into the hand of man.

So the LORD sent a pestilence upon Israel from the morning even to the time appointed: and there died of the people from Dan even to Beersheba seventy thousand men.

~~~

But the fearful, and unbelieving, and the abominable, and murderers, and whoremongers, and sorcerers, and idolaters, and all liars, shall have their part in the lake which burneth with fire and brimstone: which is the second death.


The Bible

Rev it Up

HORSEPOWER !
Originally uploaded by PALMETT0.

From depression to hypomania in less than 24 hours.

Muse

muse
Originally uploaded by Houser.

My thoughts had grown so cold that she retreated until some sun came back. She'd had enough of my dark moods and when I finally did, too, she returned with presents. While I'm editing book one she's given me some stories I can play with when I get tired. I'm posting them on my little endevaours at Seeplay, as always I'm the self-promoter.

Here Comes the Sun

DES SS Sun burning through low clouds
Originally uploaded by HamWithCam.

A tiring day at work, a good meal and a nap does wonders.

Depression

Black Clouds
Originally uploaded by srrk.

"That long black cloud is comin' down"

Influence

Once, a goddess . . .
Originally uploaded by Java Cafe.

A peaceful drift into sleep shattered by the Snail's angry, frustrated shouts... a fight with his mom. The mood followed me into my dreams and back into the waking world.

Anxious

Anxious rabbit
Originally uploaded by Aaltra.

I don't know how long it's been going on now. The closer it gets to going into work the more anxious I get until it's so awful I have to leave. The drive to work is tense and the tension doesn't leave until I get too busy to notice.

Outside My Window

Little Worlds
Originally uploaded by alterednate.

A red car turned down our street and parked, blocking the street entrance. An old lady sat inside for a while then got out and walked along the nursery fence until she was out of sight.

A utility truck turned down our street and swerved to get past the red car, the man drove past our entrance in the wrong lane.

The old lady returned to the red car and got inside.

A SUV turned down our street and pulled past the red car in the wrong lane and parked in front of the red car.A young lady got out and walked over to the red car.

A cop turned down our street, drove slowly past the cars in the wrong lane and turned into our entrance.

The SUV and the red car turnrf into our entrance and pulled in behind the cop, completely blocking one side of our parking lot. The cop got out and talked to the young lady then the old one. He went back to his car and got in, the young lady and the old lady got out of their cars and talkws. The young lady made a phone call.

The cop got out his car and handed papers to the two ladies, they talked for a while.

A white car pulled into our parking lot and a young man got out, he talked to the ladies and the cop. The young man searched the red car. The cop talked to the old lady then searched the red car, too.

The ladies got into their cars and left. The young man talked to the cop then the cop left. The young man left.

Sis?

ALL BLUE
Originally uploaded by BoazImages.

I'm always curious about who stops by and visits here so I check my Sitemeter stats pretty regularly. It looks like my sister has returned after a long absence, I hope that means some of the pressure has been eased off her. If you see this, sis, I made an earlier post I'd like you to see.

I'll fly away.

Notre Dame. Gárgolas 010 HDR
Originally uploaded by elyuyu.

Some glad morning, when this life is o'er
I'll fly away,
To that home on God's celestial shore
I'll fly away.

I'll fly away, O glory
I'll fly away
When I die, Hallelujah bye and bye,
I'll fly away.

When the shadows of this life have flown
I'll fly away.
Like a bird from prison bars has flown
I'll fly away.

I'll fly away, O glory
I'll fly away
When I die, Hallelujah bye and bye,
I'll fly away.

Just a few more weary days and then
I'll fly away.
To a land where joys shall never end
I'll fly away.

I'll fly away, O glory
I'll fly away
When I die, Hallelujah bye and bye,
I'll fly away

Anxiety

Anxiety
Originally uploaded by darkmatter.

Ghost Riders

Y el mundo se acaba.
Originally uploaded by xip.

An old cowpoke went ridin' out one dark and windy day,
Upon a ridge he rested as he went along his way
When all at once a mighty herd of red eyed cows he saw
A plowin' through the ragged skies and up a cloudy draw.

Yipie i ay Yipie i oh
Ghost herd in the sky

Their brands were still on fire and their hooves were made of steel
Their horns were black and shiny and their hot breath he could feel
A bolt of fear went through him as they thundered through the sky
He saw the riders coming hard... and he heard their mournful cry

Yipie i ay Yipie i oh
Ghost riders in the sky.

Their face is gaunt their eyes were blurred their shirts all soaked
with sweat
They're ridin' hard to catch that herd but they 'aint caught 'em yet
'cause they've got to ride forever in the range up in the sky
On horses snorting fire as they ride hard hear them cry

Yipie i ay Yipie i oh
Ghost riders in the sky.

The riders leaned on by him he heard one call his name
If you want to save your soul from hell a riding on our range
Then cow-boy change your ways today or with us you will ride
Tryin' to catch this devil herd.... a-cross these endless
skies.

Yipie i ay Yipie i oh
Ghost riders in the sky.
Ghost riders in the sky.
Ghost riders in the sky.

Impending

Impending
Originally uploaded by Sensual_Sloth.

I hear the train a comin'; it's rollin' 'round the bend,

And I ain't seen the sunshine since I don't know when.

Folsom Prison Blues
Johnny Cash

Melancholy

Melancholy
Originally uploaded by ticklebug.

Sleeping House

Our Sleeping Houses II
Originally uploaded by wingedbreasts.

I woke up to a sleeping house. So quiet and peaceful, a moment for me to gather together the bits and pieces of my mind that have floated away with dreams.

Bound

Nightmare followed by isomnia + ....
Originally uploaded by !borghetti.

How long have I been in this prison? A day? A year? A thousand? How long has it been since I've seen the air and felt it's breath? Moments? Ages? How long have I waited for a chance hand that would release me? An instant? Beyond existence?

A light, an opening, a moment of freedom, a frightened breath, a falling lamp.

"You have three wishes, master."

Wits End

wits end
Originally uploaded by Jake Lowe.

I don't know what to do with myself. Book two is done and I'm not quite ready to start getting book one ready for publication. I want to wrtie but everything is on temporary hosts until I can get a paid host and I don't want to do too much that I'd have a hard time getting moved later. I'm contemplating ideas for a new face for the new domain I'm getting, something with a professional feel which will be new for me. I don't have enough information to get started on that yet, some of it depends on what I find when I move to my host. I want to start something new but I have no idea what, I want to do something different but have no idea what that would be. I'm bored and restless, I'm jaded and weary, sleepy but can't go to sleep. I guess that pretty much how I felt when I woke up this morning and couldn't put a name to it, how I've been feeling since I finished my book.

Fireflies

Fireflies
Originally uploaded by Agent Buckwald.

I Don't Know

What is it? (03)
Originally uploaded by T. Al Nakib.

It's one of those days that when people ask me how I am I'll answer, "Good." but I really should say, "I don't know." I feel something and it's not the blahs but I have no idea what it is. It's not good, it's not bad, it's something unnamed.

Gloomy Day

Gloomy Day
Originally uploaded by Iscarmetal.

Uh Oh

Barren Field
Originally uploaded by Operation Slapstick.

Sorry, this little sermon slipped out.

From Genesis:

But of the tree of the knowledge of good and evil, thou shalt not eat of it: for in the day that thou eatest thereof thou shalt surely die.

Later:

Unto the woman he said, I will greatly multiply thy sorrow and thy conception; in sorrow thou shalt bring forth children; and thy desire shall be to thy husband, and he shall rule over thee. And unto Adam he said, Because thou hast hearkened unto the voice of thy wife, and hast eaten of the tree, of which I commanded thee, saying, Thou shalt not eat of it: cursed is the ground for thy sake; in sorrow shalt thou eat of it all the days of thy life; also and thistles shall it bring forth to thee; and thou shalt eat the herb of the field; In the sweat of thy face shalt thou eat bread, till thou return unto the ground

~~~

Wasn't death enough? Why the extra curses he said nothing about in the first place? Why the finger-pointing? What about the sexual harassment? I never kept working for bosses like that, either they moved on or I did.

Frustrated Guitar Blues

Frustrated Guitar Blues
Originally uploaded by AugTheBlog.

Child Psychology

PSYCHOLOGY 102
Originally uploaded by jon fobes.

I thought I wanted to be a teacher so I took child psychology. I believe the teacher, who looked like an old carney in a suit, had issues. We never did talk about children, his topic of choice was sex, which he hissed through gritted teeth. In particular, he was very proud of a sex change patient he was counseling. He went on about it for days, even showed a film, and I sat there wondering what any of it had to do with children. Worst of it was, because it was at a location close to home and it filled a requirement I stayed for the whole show.

One of Those Days

I was cleaning the parking lot before the store opened when I heard a car behind me, I figured someone wanted to know what time we opened. I turned around and the man in the car said, "This was in our street." and angrily threw a to go bag at me as if it's my fault some people are slobs.

~|~

I realize this is a land of diversity but if you don't bother to learn the language you have no right to cop an attitude when people can't understand you.

I Quit

Emergency Quit Smoking Vehicle?
Originally uploaded by pewtermoose.

I'm gonna try, I'm gonna quit... really, I'm gonna...

Kids

the kids
Originally uploaded by Teny Jr.

I don't have anything against kids, I was one myself, it's adults that are my problem. Four kids, 12-13 years old, came into the restaurant with one adult, ordering food was a hassle while the kids ran around until they got their table. While the adult sat oblivious the kids picked off the things they didn't like on their food and threw them all over the floor. Then the kids moved to another table and trashed the area there, finally after trashing a third area they left. I know kids spill things, it's a pain in the ass but oh well. It's the attitude of the adult that pissed me off, she sat and ate uncaring while her charges ran amuck then left without saying a word about the three big messes they left behind.

Schedule

schedule
Originally uploaded by the paper.

I'm feeling ptretty good, I was only two months behind writing the second book. Next I planned to have my first book ready for publication in six months, now I'm going to try to get it done in four.

Absorbed

Absorbed
Originally uploaded by alterednate.

I was lost in a world of words, striving to finish my second book. At last, respite, it's done.

Sundays

Sweeping Up
Originally uploaded by prb.

I hate working Sundays. It's extremely slow most of the day then suddenly there'll be a big rush of families and I'll spend the rest of the time sweeping and mopping up spills.

Front Door

Puertas / Doors
Originally uploaded by Juan_de.

I've re-opened my front door, Seeplay, a portal to my writing, photos and a forum.

Dark Mood

HELTER SKELTER ...
Originally uploaded by asmundur.

Dark, angry thoughts followed me out of bed and joined me for a cup of coffee. I've shaken them off and now I feel empty.

The Pulpit

Prekestolen/Pulpit Rock
Originally uploaded by pasto.

I've felt this yen to look back on my early years, some people say that happens when you're approaching the end. More than just look, though, I have the urge to tell.

The Pulpit - Rev's Story

Court

waiting
Originally uploaded by bluhousworker.

Wonderful day today... go to small claims court in the morning about one of the medical bills I can't pay then I go get a tooth pulled. Not sure which I look foward to the most, both involve a lot of waiting and a painful extraction. Actually, that's not quite true, the last time I went to small claims court they asked where I worked so they could garnish my wages then nothing happened after that... I suppose they realized I don't make squat.