Talk

The incessant talking is getting on my nerves, the sound of my voice is driving me up a wall. The Snail patiently tunes out most of it but I can't, my jaw aches and so does my head. I grit my teeth trying to stop then the words scream inside my head until I let them out. Sometimes I'm interesting but after awhile the good ideas are gone or my mind is too scattered to formulate any so I end up boring myself to death. Then I want to scream as loud as I can to drown the flood of words out. If I could only hold on to a thread of thought long enough to advance my projects I'd be done with all the books in my head and working on some new ones, instead I talk and wish I was screaming. - 7:36pm

One night when I lived alone I was so sick of talking to myself I picked up the phone. No one in town wanted to talk to me anymore so I went long distance. Old friends from my early church days, relatives all over the country, I kept 411 busy. Damn, I was going to write more but it's all gone now. Maybe this time I can go longer without talking. Oh, I remember now, it was the talking that got me into the hospital. At one point I knew I couldn't live alone any longer, I didn't cook... handling food creeps me out, I didn't go out... I'm still afraid of cars, I couldn't eat pizza... there was no other delivery in the area and no one would come over. I had one friend left, he was physically disabled and poor but he had his own house. I asked him if I could stay with him for awhile, told him I wasn't well enough to cook but had money to pay for food and cable tv. He agreed and I put the few belongings I had in my car and went to his house. I gave him $300 and the keys to my car, he ordered cable that morning. After supper ended and my talking still hadn't stopped he said I had to leave, I didn't blame him. The only place I had left to go after that was the hospital, I knew I could get in, the mad cow disease I thought I had would see to that. - 8:34pm