Nightmare

I woke at one from a nightmare about work, stumbled downstairs to smoke a cigarette and tried not to think. When I went back to sleep the same nightmare continued. I woke at three depressed and hypomanic, dark thoughts race through my head. The pills help some but not enough to help me face work today, I keep hoping I'll screw up enough to get fired. I need to keep my job until I find another, I'm so sick of food service I have to fight off depression every day I have to go in to work. I'd do just about any job, except telemarketing, to get off my feet eight hours a day but no one gives me an interview. From computer systems manager to fast food cashier in a few short years, it's no wonder no one wants to hire me. I should be glad that I have some kind of work but my job sucks too much for me to maintain perspective. I used to be optomistic about people, looked for the good in everyone, but having to smile at so many assholes makes me forget that most people are decent.