Stalking Cougar

I thought I'd introduce you to a friend of mine, Stalking Cougar. There's a certain similarity to our lives but for very different reasons.

Another child was taken away. One day I will put an end to it forever.

In my tribe the firstborn child of every family was given to the chief on the day of their birth. They were never seen again. It had been this way from the beginnings of my people's memories.

Another ancient tradition was that the old chief would leave in the prime of his life on a spirit journey that would last to the end of his life. His chosen would continue on as chief. When it was time for Stooping Hawk, our chief, to leave, the people were very unhappy. His chosen, Talking Crow, was cruel and selfish, the only ones that looked forward to his reign were his small group of friends. We all knew how miserable life was about to become.

It began as soon as Stooping Hawk left. When he was gone out of sight Talking Crow announced, "When my friends speak, it is as if I speak. Any who fail to obey will die."

We were made to turn the young women over to Talking Crow and his men. The unmarried men of the tribe could not approach Talking Crow's women. The hunters had to bring in twice the food to supply his nightly feasts. People went hungry to feed him and his friends.

Soon there was talk of killing Talking Crow.

It was a hard winter, the people were on the move looking for food. As we always did, we were traveling at night when a sudden snowstorm blew in. Visibility was gone when the people began casting around for shelter. Over the howling wind a scream was heard. The wind stopped and the cry of a baby was heard. The snow stopped and the scream of a cougar was heard. The moon broke through the clouds and the shaman held me up. "There is a strangeness on this one. He is a child of destiny. I will keep him with me."

I followed Bear Who Waits wherever he went. He was my family, my only friend. He taught me of the world, the spirits, the ways of healing, the chants and stories of our people. When Bear Who Waits died, I became the new shaman.

I had not been shaman long when the elders came to me. The eldest spoke, "The people want Talking Crow to die. We need a new chief."

"Why do you come to me?" I wondered.

"Talking Crow's men always surround him and his tent. We do not know how to get to him. He does not see the people so he can not be challenged. We thought you might find a way in where none could be found."

I nodded. "Give me time to find a way."

I took on the forms of animals and watched his tent day and night. Just before dawn of every day a bat flew out and headed east. On the third night I took on the form of a raven and followed.

The bat flew into the back of a cave where there was a large box. It perched on the floor and began to change form. The bat became Talking Crow. He stretched, opened the box, got in and closed the lid. A man I'd never seen before came out of the recesses of the cave and stood guard over the box.

I watched throughout the day and when the sun set the guard opened the box and Talking Crow got out. He changed back into a bat and flew away.

I had never heard that Talking Crow had learned shaman ways, but it was apparent that he had. If he had been learning for long it was going to be hard to kill him.

I followed Talking Crow for three more days. Each day was the same, at dawn he flew to the cave and at sunset he flew back to our camp.

As I sat watching the box on the fourth day I began wondering what was in there. I thought that the box was a passage to somewhere. I decided that after this night, I'd find a way inside.

When Talking Crow flew out of the cave I followed. When we were no longer in sight of the cave I shifted to a hawk. I stooped on Talking Crow and sunk my talons deep into his back. We dropped quickly to the earth. When I landed I set myself for the killing blow when he shifted to a wolf. I released my hold, flew back a short distance and shifted to a cougar. I leapt at him and he jumped back. I raked him across the chest. He shifted to human form and I leapt at him again. He moved away so quickly I lost my footing. I'd never seen anyone move like that and the wounds on his chest were already closing up.

"You don't know who you are up against shaman." He laughed and rushed me with a knife. I sprung aside but he followed my every move and soon the knife sunk deep in my chest.

Talking Crow watched me for a moment. "You are dying, shaman but I'm going to change all that." He sunk down and began to drink the blood from my wound. I felt my life force leaving me... and I felt a deep hunger. Talking Crow sat up and laughed. His laugh echoed in my ears as I was dying. Through it all was the overwhelming hunger. My sight was almost gone when I saw Talking Crow's face close to mine. I smelt something I needed desperately.

"You want this?" he asked. I didn't want to but I had to. I nodded. He put his wrist to my lips and I drank. I drank deeply, hungrily, and as I drank I felt life returning.

When I awoke I thought I was in the form of an animal because my senses were so sharp. I smelled the wind and listened to the whispers on the air. I stood up, I was in human form with the senses of an animal. Then I remembered, Talking Crow drugged me. I felt so alive but beneath was a hunger, a hunger for the drug. I knew of drugs that could own one's spirit. I turned toward camp.

I took about three steps and stopped. I looked down... no wound... no pain. How could one like Talking Crow know of such a drug? I knew of no drug that could heal so quickly and I had learned from Bear Who Waits, a shaman among shamans.

I moved through the trees swiftly and silently, alert to everything around me. Sometimes I ran as a man, sometimes a cougar. When I got within sight of the camp I stopped. I had smelled the drug around me as I ran, but when I stopped before the camp the smell of it filled me.

It actually wasn't one smell, it was many similar smells. One of those smells I recognized, it was what Talking Crow had given me. I followed the scent to Talking Crow's tent.

Talking Crow's men were standing around in front of his tent. I didn't know how I was going to get past them but I was going to get into the tent. I walked up to them. When they saw me approach they grew alert, it was clear they weren't going to let me by. I tried anyway. "I will see Talking Crow." I stated. The biggest man in the tribe, a giant of a man called Walks With Thunder growled out, "Go away shaman." I shook my head and all the men laughed. I grew angry. I grabbed Walks With Thunder, lifted him over my head and threw him. I heard bones break when he hit the ground. The rest of them backed off and I went into Talking Crow's tent.

His fire was low and the tent was filled with shadows. I found Talking Crow among them. "What have you done to me?" I demanded.

I heard a low laugh. "I changed you forever." He leaned into the light, his face was covered with blood. Then I recognized what I'd been smelling, it was blood. I craved blood. I rushed over to Talking Crow and grabbed him by the arm. "What have you done?" I repeated. He pulled his arm from my grasp as if I were a child.

At that moment there was a sound at the entrance. We both turned to look. Little Frog came in with a child in his arms. "A first" he announced. Talking Crow went over to him and took the child. When Little Frog left Talking Crow came over to me. I could smell the child's blood, it was overpowering. He held the child up to me. "The chief's privilege, it is yours if you want it." I wanted it so much it hurt.

I stood there for a moment, just breathing in the smell. The pain, the need was intense. I shook my head, I wasn't going to kill that baby. Talking Crow laughed and cut the child's artery. The blood sprayed out and hit me in the face. My knees went weak, my head swam and I staggered back. Talking Crow stepped closer and I reached out for the child. My hands shook, I needed that blood so desperately. I took the child in my trembling hands and brought it up to my face. The smell was overpowering. I almost drank then I saw Talking Crow... the hunger, the need, and that smile so filled with evil. Talking Crow was no man... he was a demon. I dropped the baby and fled.

After a time of wandering I ended up at my tent. Night was almost at an end, I was weary. I dropped down onto my furs and fell into a restless sleep. My dreams were nightmarish, bloody and filled with intense hunger. Through it all I heard Talking Crow's laugh.

I awoke to pain. My skin felt like it was on fire. I was weak and weary but I struggled to my feet so I could cool my skin in the river. When I opened my tent flap the pain grew infinitely worse. I dropped the flap and staggered back to my furs. The pain lessened some and eventually I fell asleep.

When I awoke it was night and the pain was gone. I went out to confront Talking Crow again. Somehow I would force him into giving me a cure. The people were all gathered together at the central fire. Wind Walker and Fire Song's first child was born, they were turning him over to Talking Crow's men. I knew what was going to happen to that baby, I hated it and I hated myself for the hunger that rose in me. I left the central fire, I left the camp. I wasn't going to return until I found a way to destroy the demons... Talking Crow's and mine.

Excerpt from A Shaman's Quest by S.E.Estes